A whole lot of bruises

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Today, following a doctor’s appointment my mom got a call from social services…apparently my body is covered with bruises…I guess I forgot to tell the doctor, and my mom, that I had taken up football…MLIC

Rating 3.50 out of 5
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The right to keep my silence

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Today, I got arrested for drunk driving by one of my ex students…I’m a driving school instructor…MLIC

Rating 4.00 out of 5
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4 years and it’s amore

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Today, my boyfriend forgot his phone at my house on the way to work…he received a text message not long ago and curious as I am I read it: “Mike, as usual I’ve taken my friday afternoon off, I’ll see you tomorrow then…by the way have you dumped her yet?”. So much for celebrating our 4 year anniversary tomorrow…MLIC

Rating 3.00 out of 5
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Michael Phelps

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Today, I was watching the olympics and saw Michael Phelps winning his 7th gold medal…I’m French and France has only won 3 gold medals overall…MLIC

Rating 3.00 out of 5
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Drunk dad

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Today, I’m in the middle of anargument with my dad, which I’m winning…when he says: “anyway, when your mother and I made you, I was drunk”…MLIC

Rating 2.00 out of 5
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Expensive feet

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Today, I’m looking everywhere for my new 50$ facial cream…the tube is empty in the bin…my husband used it for his dry feet…MLIC

Rating 2.00 out of 5
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Revengeful son

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Today, my son called his mother over to the computer, and showed her the porn sites I had been on in the browser history…I think this is revenge for having refused to raise his pocket money about an hour ago…MLIC

Rating 3.00 out of 5
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G-spot

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Today, my wife tells me that last night I found her G spot…I was drunk which means I can’t remember where it is now. 17 years I’ve been searching for that G spot…MLIC

Rating 4.00 out of 5
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Bounced home

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Today, I went to a night club with my girlfriend. The bouncer told me I couldn’t go in, but that my girlfriend could. She threw me the keys to our flat and went in…MLIC

Rating 3.00 out of 5
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Not so rosy

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Today, my flatmate, with who I also work, was promoted. He’s now my boss…MLIC

Rating 3.00 out of 5
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