MLIC - My Life Is Crap!!!

Today, following a doctor’s appointment my mom got a call from social services…apparently my body is covered with bruises…I guess I forgot to tell the doctor, and my mom, that I had taken up football…MLIC

Today, I got arrested for drunk driving by one of my ex students…I’m a driving school instructor…MLIC

Today, my boyfriend forgot his phone at my house on the way to work…he received a text message not long ago and curious as I am I read it: “Mike, as usual I’ve taken my friday afternoon off, I’ll see you tomorrow then…by the way have you dumped her yet?”. So much for celebrating our 4 year anniversary tomorrow…MLIC

Today, I was watching the olympics and saw Michael Phelps winning his 7th gold medal…I’m French and France has only won 3 gold medals overall…MLIC

Today, I’m in the middle of anargument with my dad, which I’m winning…when he says: “anyway, when your mother and I made you, I was drunk”…MLIC

Today, I’m looking everywhere for my new 50$ facial cream…the tube is empty in the bin…my husband used it for his dry feet…MLIC

Today, my son called his mother over to the computer, and showed her the porn sites I had been on in the browser history…I think this is revenge for having refused to raise his pocket money about an hour ago…MLIC

Today, my wife tells me that last night I found her G spot…I was drunk which means I can’t remember where it is now. 17 years I’ve been searching for that G spot…MLIC

Today, I went to a night club with my girlfriend. The bouncer told me I couldn’t go in, but that my girlfriend could. She threw me the keys to our flat and went in…MLIC

Today, my flatmate, with who I also work, was promoted. He’s now my boss…MLIC